Let’s get real for a second. Have you ever had an admin hit you with the question, “Have you built a relationship with the student?” while you’re over here barely holding it together because of a kid who’s testing your every last nerve? Like, seriously, what do you think I’ve been doing?!
If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably thought, What does that even mean? Are they asking if you know the kid’s favorite TikTok creator? Their shoe size? Or do they want you to bake cookies for them every Friday? Spoiler: nope, that’s not it.
Building relationships with students is deeper than just being nice or knowing fun facts about them. It’s about creating a classroom where trust, respect, and acceptance flow between everyone — not just you and the students, but the students with each other, too. And let’s be real: pulling this off with teenagers? Not exactly a walk in the park.
But here’s the tea: when you do it right, everything changes. Behavior improves, engagement skyrockets, and let’s not forget, teaching gets way more fun. So, let’s break this down like two friends chatting over coffee, and I’ll give you some real strategies to make this happen — no fluff, no cookie-cutter nonsense.
Why Relationships Matter in Classroom Management
Here’s the deal: behavior is communication. When a kid acts out, they’re telling you something… even if it feels like they’re telling you to lose your mind. Relationships are the secret decoder ring for those messages. When students feel genuinely seen and heard, they’re more likely to engage, cooperate, and thrive.
And hey, relationships aren’t just for them — they’re for you, too. The connections you make with your students can remind you why you started teaching in the first place. Relationships are the bridge between chaos and calm, between feeling burnt out and feeling fulfilled.
Real Strategies to Build Relationships (That Actually Work)
1. Focus on Building Community, Not Just Connection
Look, I get it. It’s easy to focus on building 1:1 relationships with students. But let’s not sleep on the magic of creating a true classroom community. When students feel connected to their peers, they’re way less likely to act out and way more likely to engage.
Try This: Dedicate time to activities that foster connection and collaboration, like restorative circles, team-building games, or group discussions. Not sure where to start? My 35 Days of Winter SEL Journal Prompts are perfect for breaking the ice and helping students open up without feeling awkward.
2. High Support, High Expectations: The Perfect Balance
Teenagers have a built-in radar for BS. They know when you’re faking it or just going through the motions. Building trust means showing them you’re here to support them and hold them accountable.
Try This: When a student messes up, lead with empathy but don’t skip the boundaries. Say something like, “I can see you’re frustrated today. Let’s figure out what’s going on, but I also need you to stay respectful so we can work through this together.”
3. Get Curious, Not Furious
When a student’s behavior makes you want to scream, pause and ask yourself (or better yet, ask them), What’s really going on here? Building relationships means leading with curiosity instead of judgment.
Try This: Use shared problem-solving. Sit down with the student and ask, “What’s happening that’s making this hard for you?” Then, brainstorm solutions together. Need a resource? My Restorative Practices Bundle is packed with tools to help make this easy and effective.
4. Celebrate the Wins (Big and Small)
Who doesn’t love a little recognition? Celebrating your students’ efforts and achievements—even the tiny ones—shows them you’re paying attention and that their growth matters.
Try This: Create a “Shout-Out Wall” in your classroom or start each day by highlighting something awesome a student did. Those positive vibes can shift the whole mood of your space.
5. Share Your Humanity
Here’s the truth: students need to see you as a real person, not just a rule enforcer. When you’re willing to share a little of your own humanity, it opens the door for them to do the same.
Try This: When you’re having a tough day, be honest (within reason). Say, “You know what? Today’s been a challenge for me, too, but I’m so glad we’re working through it together.” Vulnerability builds connection.
Why This Matters (and How I Know It Works)
Let me tell you about one of my students. This kid struggled to make it to school most days, but he never missed my class. Not because he loved math or English, but because of the community we built. He knew he was safe, seen, and valued in my room, and that’s what kept him showing up.
That’s the power of relationships, my friend.
If you’re ready to build a classroom where students feel like they belong, I’ve got your back. Check out my Behavior Boss Academy for more strategies, live coaching, and resources to help you create the classroom culture you’ve been dreaming of.
Let’s Stay Connected!
Want even more tips and real talk about teaching? Here’s where you can find me:
🎙️ Listen to my podcast for deep dives into these strategies: @StraightupwithMrsParks on Spotify and Apple
📱 Follow me on Instagram and TikTok for quick, actionable tips and inspiration.
Ready to finally get the coaching and support you truly deserve? Click here -> Behavior Boss Academy
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